Happy Accidents - The Power of Intention and Making Decisions

In getting to know my new Zaadz friend Bobbi, I found this most compelling blog entry of hers, where she is quoting Salma Hayek, who (imo) is talking about holding intentions and making decisions, and well... you'll see what I think below.

Hi Bobbi, I like the last sentence especially... It's the act of leaving what isn't supporting you for the possibility of something better that makes you like yourself more for simply making this decision.  

Wow.  I can really relate to that, and I think it is a call to action necessary for the survival of the human race.  I think these type of decisions are imperative for us to be fully functioning human beings, to fulfill our missions here.    

Now, I'm both incredibly lucky or incredibly idealistic or a bit of both -- I made a decision like this recently and I say I am lucky/idealistic because I couldn't NOT make the decision to leave what was no longer supporting me, despite the fact that my former situation may have looked great, but felt wrong as Salma put it.   I struck out on my own, leaving a 20-year corporate career in 2004, and became my own boss.  I struggle with conveying the (7-year) internal thought process I went through to be able to do this.   

I say this because even when I explained it to people, the the reactions I got to having made this decision were disarming and dismaying.  So many people couldn't believe I was leaving a successful career, leaving a "secure" (?) position and one I was good at.   For many it was a decision they envied, in a good way, as they expressed how proud they were of me.  Or they expressed delight because "one of us was getting out."  Some really didn't like it because if I could make the decision maybe there-was-something-they-should-look-at-for-themselves-and-that-would-mean-they-must-have-been-not-looking-at-something-important-and-that-would-have-been-too-much-to-face-so-it-was-easier-to-make-me-wrong.   You get the picture.  

I found most reactions disarming or dismaying because when I got envy or pride from people I just wanted to say, "This is something you could do for yourself too, you know."   Or those would made me wrong somehow got the idea that it was easier for me to pull off this move because of the unique conditions of my life re: marital status, age, skills, etc.    

It seemed very few fully "got" what it took.  For me, being able to pull this off is related to what Salma describes when she said, "The double-edged sword, the element that makes it all happen - that binds it all together - you have to be okay if it doesn't happen!"  I would put it that I had to hold onto my vision (of being on my own, realizing my own vision for the world) but not be so attached to HOW it was going to happen at the same time.  That is the hard part, right?   It is tempting to get into magical thinking about giving up the how -- it doesn't mean you don't DO anything and just wait for the universe to deliver.   You do what make sense (e.g. save money, get more skills, research small biz ownership) and pay attention to those "accidents" and patterns that you come across and adjust as necessary.  It's almost like responsibility and surrender AT THE SAME TIME.  

Salma also said, "You become okay with the decision simply because you made the decision."  This is my take on that.  I knew that I had to follow-through (i.e. "become okay with the decision") on what I knew was right for me in order to be able to act when the time was right.   I knew if I was not prepared to act on this that 1) my performance at work would fall off and not only would I feel bad about not doing my best, but I probably would have been let go eventually or 2) (which is more likely) I would have gotten so fed up I would have refused an instruction and been let go for insubordination or 3) I would have left impulsively.    

I guess I say all this because I saw it as my responsibility to manage what I had control over, and also watch for signs, those accidents, a next step laid out before me.   As related to that, the MOST DIFFICULT part of my decision was deciding when to leave.   I knew it would likely be my 20th year with the company, but then my father died and I was so foggy-headed I felt like I could not hit the ground running if I dropped out and started my own business.  Then a downsizing was announced (my eighth with the same company...) of which it was part of my job to administer.   I quickly regained my senses and knew I had to leave this year.   I told my boss and she said it was too late to swing the lucrative severance package (that would have been part of the downsizing) for me.  Oooops... but I was actually at peace with this.  I told her that it was okay, and that at least now she knew, and if something changed regarding the status of my job, she knew I was willing to leave.    

This is the part where I relate to Salma saying, "But the accidents are the result of an intention - an intention created from a dream you are passionate about. So passionate - so strong is your passion - that the energy of it fuels your intention.  And when it becomes so strong that not even the Universe can deny it, that's when the "accidents" take place."    ACCIDENT ALERT -- The status of my job did change, legitimately, and so we were able to swing that severance package and I left June 30, 2004.  

And, that's not the end of the story -- did everything fall magically in place since I committed to this decision?   Well, no, not magically.   But good enough.   I am making enough connections, finding enough leads, and getting enough projects to keep me happy and to keep the bills paid.  And one thing I know for sure, I have a lot more respect for myself since that decision than I would have if I had stayed with what was not working for me.  And that creates enough energy and health in my life to keep me on this path.

So Bobbi, I went on much longer that I intended.   But what Salma said really resonated with me, and I felt compelled to share a "real" story to support her words.